I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
