I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
