I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
