Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
