I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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