Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
