his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
