dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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