you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well you can't waste a boner
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
