so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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