My boss' voice literally gives me gas
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
