Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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