i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
