Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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