I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
