I want to have your abortion
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
