I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
