so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
