I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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