I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
