I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
