At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
