I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
