if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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