Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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