I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize