In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize