That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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