My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
