Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
