she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
