dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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