Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
