A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
