I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
