You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
