I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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