When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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