Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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