I hate your face
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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