I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
