If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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