I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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