I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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