OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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