What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize