the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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