I got chris browned last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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