well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
