and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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