I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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