my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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