I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work