Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.