All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am spending my child support on dildos
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure