Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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