It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize