I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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