this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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