Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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