What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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