Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I could fuck to npr.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
