if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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