So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
