whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
