So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
