we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
