remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
