Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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